blyats in the dragon realms
by ath45
Summary: while playing cs:go two human friends get teleported to the world of the legend of spyro
1. Chapter 1

**Characters**: **paul**: born and raised in **america** electronics **hobbyist** likes to play cs:go friend of **Dmitri** age:18 **tlos** fan wears a **STONKS** shirt **Dmitri**: born in russia but when he was around **pauls** age his **family** moved to **america** he and **paul** soon **beacme** good friends owns an ak-47 global elite in cs:go likes to play cs:go with **paul** friend of **paul** age:18 swears in **russian** likes the words **cyka** and **blyat** **announcement**: this story is mostly comedy so dont expect a serious narrative also expect a lot of memes**, cs**:go and general also expect a lot of swearing and (stuff in captions) **also,** **spyro** is female in this story

note:english is not my native language so please dont get too angry over grammar mistakes


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2  
this chapter will have paul and dimitri go to the dragon realms...by magic portal  
i know the magic portal thing is owerused but i coud not come up with a better way to get them to the dragon realms

it was a quite normal day in america...

exept for paul and dimitri who were keeping themselwes busy by playing cs:go on a modded tesla

dimitri:  
comerade paul i know that playing cs:go on tesla is great but the cs:go experience simpli isnt complete without some russian vodka  
paul:  
dimitri we have been over this I WILL NOT HAVE A DRUNK GOPNIK DRIVE MY HIGHLI EXPENSIVE ELECTRIC CAR WHILE ALSO PLAYING CS:GO ON SAID CAR  
dimitri:  
(sigh) ok comerade but i am starting to get hungry could we go to the local kgb and get some cyka nuggets and cola?  
paul:  
its kfc not kgb and also its chicken nuggets not cyka yes we could and will go there because i am hungry myself  
dimitri:

ok you drive comerade  
(time skip to KFC)  
dimitri:  
paul...  
paul:  
yes dimitri  
dimitri:  
i just realised i dont have any money with me  
paul:

as a matter of fact i also dont have any  
i was expecting you to have some  
dimitri:  
so...  
paul:  
but because i have been lending this car to my mom she has accumulated quite the collection of cupons to various restaurants  
(paul opens a compartment on the passanger side and about 200 kfc cupons fall to the floor of the car)  
dimitri:  
IS THIS...  
paul:  
yes dimitri what you are looking at is over 200 dollars in cupons  
dimitri:  
we are gonna buy so many cyka nuggets  
(paul drives up to the drive trough window)  
hi i am (insert generic name here)  
paul:  
dimitri what will you have?  
dimitri:  
i will have a large cyka nuggets and that black fizzi drink you americans seem to love  
paul:  
and i will have the same  
cashieer:  
and how will you be pay..(sees the messive pile of cupons) OH  
karen get the scanner!  
(time skip 10 minutes)

cashieer:  
pok that is the last one and you get a...  
paul:  
a...  
cashieer:  
200 percent discount  
paul and dimitri:

STONKS  
(time skip to dimitrs house)  
dimitri:  
thanks comerade  
paul:no problem and about that cs 1.6 lan party on top of that mountain outside our citi...  
dimitri:  
yes you will be providing the laptops  
paul:  
KURWAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! but ok  
dimitri:  
and make sure to bring at least 8  
paul:  
8..why?

dimitri:  
for when some drunk slav throvs it off the mountain because you awped him from the other side of the map  
paul:  
ok see you  
(time skip to pauls house)  
(paul opens door)  
paul:  
MOOOOOM!  
pauls mom:  
yes honey  
paul:  
i am going to a lan party with some friends atop that mountain outside our city that i can never remember the name of  
pauls mom:  
you can go but... you go to bed right now its 00:00 pm  
paul:  
"but...  
pauls mom:  
NOW  
paul:

CYKA BLYAT  
(end of chapter)

so some things i want to say,dimitri and paul are not a gay couple,do not message me if your only reason for doing so is to complain about grammar,and message me about things you want to see in the coming chapters who knows maybie ill pick your suggestion.  
(if your suggestion is picked you will be thanked for the idea at the beggining and end of the chapter it is featured in)


	3. Chapter 3

blyats in the dragon realms

chapter 3

**pauls pov:**

as i went into my room and lay down on my bed,the emulation pc i had been meaning to set up popped into my vision and mind, and so did the games tlos,crash bandicoot etc.

specificalli my old tlos discs,i loved to play these games when i was a kid and havent discovered counter strike yet.i said to myself i guess a few hours woudnt i quietly get out of bed pop the tlos:a new beginning disc in and i sat down on my couch to wait for the game to load..and i waited...and waited...and realised that using grandpas handmedown generic office tower wasnt the best idea but still after the game finally loaded i (and after relearning the controls)

started to play...after the nostalgia wore off i soon realised that tlos wasnt exactli known for its soon i started getting frustrated at the fact that my attacks werent doing as much damage as i hoped they would,after all you would expect the equivalent of a military flamethrower to do way more damage to an ape who doesent have any sort of fire then it hit me...i had been playing for 7 hours already and i still had to charge the laptops wich i forgot to plug in.i said quietli:CYKA BLYAT

so i turned the game off(after saving) and plugged them in as my mom walked in

pauls mom:

did you forget to sleep agin?

said my mom

and being the honest person i am i said yes

after that my mom just sighed and left the room.

after that i decided to check the clock

i said to myself:

ok i still have 6 hours to charge the laptops

and it will be 6 hours of waiting if i dont do something

then an idea popped into my head(what if i extract maps from tlos and convert them into maps wich cs:go can load) so i decided to do of all i have to choose a game(i looked at the three tlos discs stacked on the emulation pc) i said:well dawn of the dragon it i got to work(i didnt have a software engineering degree for nothing)

HACKERMAN MODE ENGAGAED

html

head

meta charset="utf-8"

titleTest/title

link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href=" "

link rel="shortcut icon" type="image/png" href=" "/

link href=' css?family=Source+Sans+Pro:300' rel='stylesheet' type='text/css'

/head

body

p class="text" data-text="test text 010101101010101 lolol whatever"/p

script

var printText = $('.text').data('text');

var contentArray = ('/n');

$.each(contentArray, function(index, newLine) {

$('.text').append('span style="made by ath456;" id="'+spyro+cynder'"/span');

var lineID = index;

var self = $(this);

setTimeout(function () {

$.each(self, function(index,csgo){

setTimeout(function () {

$('#'+lineID).append("vodka"+chunk+"/span");

$('body, html').scrollTop($(document).height());

}, index*5);

});

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span { min-width: 5px; display: inline-block; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', sans-serif; font-size: 0.85em; letter-spacing: 1.5px; color: #FFF; } body { background: #111; position: relative; } body, html { height: 100%; } .text { overflow: hidden; height: auto; }

and that should do so now i have a bunch of map files on a usb stick

(disclaimer:this code is fake and indeed cannot convert tlos maps into ones cs:go can load)

(but if you know of a way to do it please send it to me)

and 8 charged laptops and to load this into the tesla…

(time skip to stuff loaded into the tesla)

(paul gets into his tesla)

time to put on some music…

(paul decides to put on party in the cia by weird al)

as i was driving to the mountain i get a call from dimitri

dimitri:

comerade paul where are you?

paul:

am i late?

dimitri:

no comerade but you said you will pick me up from my house

paul:

oh i forgot i will pick you up

dimitri:

thanks comerade

paul:

as i drove near dimitris house i saw what appeared to be a sprayer on the front porch with a combat knife stabbed trough his skull

i yelled:DIMITRI!

dimitri:

ah paul

paul:

why is th

dimitri:he was triing to put graffiti on my i went outside stabbed him and sold everithing he had on him.i also need your help because apparently pawn shops wont accepa an iphone that has a password on it

(dimitri gets in the car as paul begins the fairli long drive to the mountain)

paul:

so you need me to get rid of the password

dimitri:

yes comerade

paul:

ok i will do also who will be coming to the lan party?

dimitri:

just some slavic friends

paul:

is it ok if we play on some maps i made

dimitri:

let me see them

paul:

(stops the car and hands dimitri his laptop with the maps loaded on it)

dimitri:

(picks a map at random)

what is this blyat this doesent look like cs:go at all,this is every awpers wet dream

paul:

these are maps i extracted from the legend of spyro games

dimitri:

well i guess we could try

paul:

thanks dimitri

(paul pulls up to the mountain only to be stopped by police)

policeman:

sorry sir but due to a recent landslide no vehicles are allowed up

paul:

ok..dimitri get the laptops and router and get out of the car

policeman:

wait laptops and router?why would you be bringing that to a mountain?

paul:

we are having a lan party at the top

(by this time dimitri has gotten out of the car and put everithing into 2 backpacks and was standing outside the carwaiting for paul)

policeman to dimitri:

sorri young man but i am going to have to search those packs for drugs

dimitri:

ok just make it quick

policeman:

(searches both backpacks and finds no drugs)

ok you may pass now

(time skip to the top..btw it is night time now)

Ivan,Artyom,Nikolai,Boris,Anatoly,Andrey,Oleg:

ah dimitri and paul are here

Nikolai:

why is western spy playing with us?

dimitri:

shut up you Пидорас Блять!

also paul has some new maps for us to play on

everione:

finalli we dont have to play on de_dust_2

pauls pov:

all i see is 8 slavs in full adidas tracksuits squatting in a circle

everione:

squat down gopnik paul and bless us with new maps

paul:

ok

i give each of them a laptop.

aaaand nikolai is still staring at me

dimitri:

wait paul doesent have vodka somebody give him some

paul:

no thanks i..

dimitri:

NO CS:GO SESSION IS COMPLETE WITHOUT VODKA BLYAT

paul:

(ivan hands me a vodka...one of the expensive ones too)

and we boot up cs:go

dimitri:

now we vote for map

everione exept nikolai:

de_cynderscastle

dimitri:

ok

paul you know what to do

pauls pov:

i started the dedicated server and the requested map

as soon as we were on the map everione...searched for the bomb site as the minimap was not working for some reason

so anyway we played until dawn and as me and dimitri were driving home a MaGic PoRtAl SudDeNlI aPpEaReD

and we(still in our car)

appeared inside some sort of...librari

paul:

dimitri what was in that slavic vodka you gave me?

dimitri:

be quiet..i think there is a bigger problem than that

paul:

and what m..(sees chronicler)

OH FUCK.

(chapter end)

sorry for leaving this at another cliffhanger but i promise the story will pick up pace soon.

so until then suggest ideas,reviev,send pms,and enjoi yourselves

i am also sorri for the late upload but i...had some...veri important business.

ath45 search history:

how to escape cia

cynder rule 34

deep fried memes

r/stonks


	4. part 4 share this with anyone you know

blyats in the dragon realms

chapter 4

a/n:

so i have been reading some other fanfics and decided to do something not done in any of that is….PICTURES! now when reading blyats in the dragon realms you sometimes get a link to an image with the situation the characters are in… or spyro memes in image form.

test image: .

(i know it is completely unrelated but this is just a test image)

ALSO please read the entire thing,why because if you dont you might miss out on some of the jokes(like my search history in chapter 3)

also the images will not be fan art...i suck at drawing...but you can suggest images for use in future chapters!

also no paul and dimitri are not going to be turned into dragons(sorry but it is required they remain human for the jokes to make sense)seriously just try to imagine dimitri as a would a dragon gopnik even look like?

anyway onto the chapter:

also did you know a new half-life game is out in 2020? it is sadly only in vr

now onto the chapter:

chronicler:

ah yes you have arrived,i was beginning to get worried

paul and dimitri:

(too scared to respond)

chronicler:

do not be afraid my human allies,i will not hurt you

paul:

wait i recognise you..you are the chronicler….DIMITRI WE ARE IN THE DRAGON REALMS!

dimitri:

dragon-what

paul:

the dragon realms dimitri...you know the world the legend of spyro games take place in.

dimitri:

so we are going on adventure then?

paul:

yes

chronicler:

i fear it is not the time to talk now,as you paul know the dragon realms is in great-

paul:

i know i read the fanfictions basicli malefor wants to destroy the planet and we have to help spyro stop him at some random point in our adventure we get some overpowered anime-ish superpower like for example joshua's unknown element from aimless/being turned into dragons or some kind of magic enhanced weapon most likely something completely useless like a sword.

and steal spyros girlfriend while we are at it.

chronicler:

paul i know you are confused but please don't be so quick to make ass-

paul:

IF YOU TURN US INTO DRAGONS I WILL HAVE SPYRO RAPE EVERY SINGLE DRAGON TO DEATH WHILE YOU WATCH!

chronicler:

i knew this would happen...if you two help us i the chronicler promise to reward you

and our time here is limited so you should pick up your gear before that is up

(two cs:go-ish crates drop from seemingly nowhere)

paul and dimitri:

(open their respective crates)

dimitri finds:

m4a1-s

a full body kevlar suit

magazines for an m4a1-s

various tactical apparel(knife holders flashlights..lots of straps)

a hammer and sickle pin for his ushanka

and a mavic pro drone

a backpack

paul finds:

ak47

full body kevlar suit

mags for ak47

a solar charger that is designed to charge everi device they have with them at once(i know it is op but there is magic in the dragon realms...this could exits in that world)

an fbi hat

awp(i just had to give them this)

negev(this also)

and infinite ammo magazines for both(and this)

a backpack

an infinite electricity dremel

dimiri:

cyka blyat what in mother russia is this...and why does paul get an ak47 and i don't?

paul:

trade?

dimitri:

yes

(paul hands dimitri the ak and mags while dimitri gives him the m1a1-s and drone)

paul and dimitri:

(put on all the other stuff)

ok we are set! but there are some demands we would like to make

chronicler:

and what might those be?

paul:

unlimited free 10 gigabit wifi everywhere in the dragon realms

and we can get one thing of our choosing from our home on earth every week

chronicler:

fine….

but you must now go i will drop you off near spyro and sparks,sparks is currently being captured by apes save him .please try to be spyros friends and not his enemies

goodbye for now

paul and dimitri:

wait wh-

(chapter end)

so that was chapter 4...yeah it is still preparations but i promise in the next chapter you are going to see some combat,spyro,sparks,vodka,a dragon playing cs:go,and ignitus

also PLEASE IF SOMETHING I PUT IN HERE IS TOO OP/I GET THE LORE WRONG PLEASE TELL IS NOT TOO LATE TO CHANGE IT

and don't forget to pm/review

(seriously i read all of the things you send in)

also if you would like to see your fanarart featured you can send it in(in the form of an imgur link)

also the next chapter will be out sooner and i have an upload schedule-new chapter every saturday

oh and i figured out google docs(especially the spellcheck feature) so now all you #notautisticlikeme people wont cringe at every grammar/spelling mistake i make


	5. story not is dead

this story is not dead.i got a new pc and i am currently getting that set dont forget to send chapter ideas,pm,

revievs i read everi single of them


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5(the real one)

A/n:OK pictures are dropped for now as seems to auto remove them.

Also I am going to be doing cynder x paul but not in the way you think.

Also this chapter was written on mobile but I ran it through Google docs on PC so it should be devoid of grammar and spelling errors.

Also tell me what you and your friend would do if you were in the same situation as Paul and Dimitri.

And if anyone wanted to know Paul and Dimitri/any oc I MIGHT introduce (but probably won't) are free for you to use in your own story's.

A/n over

Paul and dimitri:

(Get up from the ground)

Paul:

Wait...WHERE IS MY FU©KING ¢AR

CHRONICLER YOU FU©KING ASSHOLE

(N¥©£ ©£nso®ship I know)

?:

Help Let me go

Paul:

OK Spiro is that way load your AK Dimitri

Dimitri:

Ok paul

(They arrive to the battle unharmed)

Spiro:

Release the dragonfly now or else

Apes:

Or what

Paul and dimitri:

Get shot cykas

Apes:

Hey you are one of us why aren't you helping us?

Paul:

Wikipedia sais we aren't

(Paul gets ready to hit play on HARDBASS but then)

Spyro:are you guys going to help us?

Paul:

Yes

Apes:

If you want to fight then we will

(Ape commander yells attack)

Paul POV:

I hit play on BLAST BY DJ DLYATMAN on my phone,loaded my rifle and sprinted towards them.I got a headshot on one I said:one Down... As a rock hit me in the head. It hurt but it didn't do anything.

I looked over at Dimitri who was having a sword fight with the commander but he had just a combat knife...and was bias I tought and got back to shooting the down

(Gunshot)

2 down

(Gunshot)

3 down

(Gunshot)

4 down

And only the commander remained

Paul's POV end

Ape commander:

Fu©k this I gotta report back to cynder

(He ran off surprisingly fast)

Paul:

(Hits stop on the Hardbass)

Hey sparx

Sparx:

Yes nice to meet you too but would you mind getting me out of this cage thanks

(Paul releases sparx from the cage he was in for like 20 seconds max)

Sparx:

Freedom at last

Spiro:

You've been in there for less than a minute.

Also thanks for helping us…

Paul:

I'm paul and that's dimitri

Dimitri:

Hi dragon

Spiro:

Thanks for helping us paul and would you mind me asking what you are and where you come from?

Paul's POV:

I said I don't see why asks me

What we are and I answer human and dimitri answers gopnik.I said to Dimitri he meant like corrected himself and said human

Then spiro asks where we are from

So I decide to be honest and say america

Dimitri says Russia but moved to america

Paul's POV end.

Spiro:

Well nice meeting you but I have to go is probbabli already worried sick about me.

Paul:

Wait can we go with you...since our car disappeared since we got here we don't have a place to stay.

Spyro:

Warriors like you don't have a place to stay? strange but you can come.I'm sure mom will understand.

Paul:

Thanks man

As they were going back to Spiro's home both paul and dimitri begin to tell spyro about earth and what is on earth...and cs:go and hardbass.

Spyro is amazed by what they tell him and keeps asking how come he has never seen any of this and paul tells him:

Because our civilisations are very very very far away from each other and I don't think america would get along well with the dragon realms. Just as paul finishes that sentence they arrive at their destination.

Spyros mom(I don't remember her name):

Oh spyro thank god you are alright

Spyro:

I'm ok mom thanks. And I would like to introduce my new friends

Spyros mom:and who might they be?

Spyro:

paul..dimitri!

Spyros mom:

Unusual names but alright

Paul and dimitri round the corner and walk up behind spyro

Spyros mom:

Well glad to see you are making new friends...but they do look strange

Spyro:I know they look strange but they are really cool. And even saved sparxes life

Sparx:

can vapes locked me in a cage

and then i was like:let me out of here

and they were like:we are going to turn you into a lantern

and spyro was like:let him go or else

and they were like:or what?

and then paul and dimitri show up and say:get shot cykas

and then there was some explosion sounds and hardbass and next thing i know they are all…

PAUL'S

day 1

as sparx talked into the night spyros parents said we could rest here.i am still angry about the fact that the chronicler basicli stole my because I didn't feel tired so I played cs:go custom maps with dimitri and also explained various things about the dragon realms. He also asked me if I would try to prank spyro by stealing cynder from I said no.I mean how would I explain having a dragon as a girlfriend to my parents.

(Chapter end)

Chapter 5 is finally here. I apologise for the wait but Christmas is literally tomorrow so I didn't have time to write chapter 6 will probably be out a couple days after I would like to thank diabloPpreconto for being the one guy that reads this.

paul and dimitri:

HERRY CHRISTMAS READERS!


End file.
